The Glory of '08

Yesterday night, I was doing something that would make my mother scream if she knew. Something that actually shocked me to the roots. I was flipping through news channels !!!

Yesterday was not like any other night. The Americans were voting to elect their 44th president. And being the powerful country it is, every single news agency was covering live from every state possible. They were competing with high tech devices to outcome other channels. Quickly updating votes and covering live from both parties, Obama's and McCain's.

It was actually 4:00am in Dublin which is 6:00am in Cairo, yet they were both covering live from the US. As a matter of fact, democrats in Dublin were gathered in a bar watching the results together until 5:00am !!! ON A TUESDAY NIGHT !!! That's not normal over here for people who don't know :D.

I myself was watching and couldn't sleep till they announced that Barack Obama is the new US president. I found a HUGE smile upon my face and my heart jumping from joy. Which actually made me stop. What the hell was I happy about? I'm not American. I'm a proud Egyptian, I've always been and forever will be. Then why am I this happy.

During McCain's speech, he said that Obama inspires for hope. I really felt that.

When this tall dark man walked out to the stage with all Chicago screaming with joy, I couldn't help but admire him. This man beat the records of winning American votes !! He is the first black president and will forever be remembered in history. All this makes sense, yet does not relate to me by any means. 

But it does. While every African American heard his speech with tears of joy running down their faces, proud of him and happy that they lived to see the day that America is ruled by a person they could relate to, a person that would understand the rough times they suffered, I was hearing him and hoping for change. I see in that man change and not just because his campaign was declaring that.

I was relating to him, and not because he has Islamic heritage, but because he's African American. Because he knows what it's like to be a minority, what it's like to be discriminated and that's exactly what we are suffering from now. 

I'm hoping that he does make a change. Even if it's not affecting the Middle East directly, at least changing the image of America, which has been so deeply ruined, that they themselves fear what they hear.

I know that the media will never stop affecting both sides, Americans and Middle Eastern, but I'm hoping that at least things will change for Arab Americans. That's the tiniest hope anyone could ask for. 

I'm secretly hoping that I will live to see the day my country witnesses such a thrill and hope.

I'm hoping that he does change America and hoping he fixes the economy quickly !!! WE NEED JOBS PEOPLE !!! :D

Now '08 will forever be a historical year. It's the year where a black man rules America, and even more importantly, it's our graduating year :D ... forever in the history books FCIS '08 !! Mark my words ... great things will happen because of us :D.

Movie Dreams

Since I'm so happily unemployed and doing practically nothing, I've decided to write a new blog every week. That's the least I could do. Day of airing is not defined yet but let's start from today.

So I was thinking what to write about, and by the way I have a huge list of things to write about and then I found myself distracted with my beautiful TV and my downloads. 

I always feel better when I lose myself in a movie. It's much better living in a fantasy world rather than the boring reality. And I think that is the whole point of movies. They are made to sweep you off your feet for those 90mins, take you to places you never went to and make you experience things you never did. And the more sensational and mind-sweeping the movie is, the better it is. 

I will never forget "August Rush". That movie sucked me so much that all the time I did not hear or see anything or anyone around me. I did not hit reality except when his mother and father looked at each other in that last seen. That was when I felt, oh how cheesy, a movie people !! Other than that moment, I never felt I was watching a movie. And later on, I found that all my friends felt the same way.

As a matter of fact, as soon as you put your headphones on, you are in a totally different world. You can't hear anyone outside. It's you and the music/movie. Every word that's said is processed better, since it's the only thing going in.

With music, the experience is different cause the journey is only for 5mins or so. But still, it does help. I'm that kind of person who listens to certain songs according to my mood. It's not one playlist playing all the time. I have a happy playlist, sad playlist, depressed playlist, hyper playlist and a special playlist ( for a special feelings :D ). And I so react with the music.

I also have my movies. When I'm depressed there are certain movies I watch to cheer me up. And there are certain movies I never watch when I'm in a certain mood. 

I never thought much into all this. Until one night I was laying in the dark and that's where I do my serious thinking and my mind does not shut up !! Anyways, I was thinking how all my friends seem to be running away from the single's league into the engaged and married ones. And I started wondering if I'll ever go to those leagues. Then it hit me, I'm 21 !!! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS PEOPLE !! I REALLY REALLY I'M !!! Just because I graduated at a young age doesn't mean I'm old !! That's not my point anyway, may be I'll talk about it another time. So after I found out that I am too young, I figured its not an age thing its a matter of maturity. Are they ready to settle and are they 100% sure of who they've chosen as their forever life partner. I found out I'm so confused on what I want. And here comes my point. I found all my thoughts affected by the movies I've been watching !! By favorite movies  are romantic comedies, so you can only imagine how messed up my mind is now :D. 

What is every girl's dream? Prince Charming, her Knight in Shining Armor both on the white horse, he'd come and sweep her off her feet. I'm not joking by the way, that is every girl's dream. Prince Charming or the Knight is a normal person with everything she's dreamed of, and the white horse is everything he owns which she's dreamed of ( that part is not as bad as it sounds, I'm talking small basic things people, flowers and simple gifts nothing major). Did anyone ever think if that does exist? Oh and you know that amazing fantasy of love at first sight, its a lie dudes. No such thing trust me. I'm not pessimistic I'm talking from experience here :huh. Kidding :D, but it's true though. There is a spark at first sight.

Movies always end at " ... and they lived happily ever after ". Well, PROVE IT !!! Come On !!! 

I want disney to make a movie telling me what happened with Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty. Oh the dear Sleeping Beauty. Did you realize our dear princess did not actually know her prince that well before " the happily ever after ". I mean at least Cinderella went to the dance and they talked and stuff. 

I've been lied to people. Prince Charming does not exist, and by Prince Charming I mean movie Prince Charming, cause everyone has her/his perfect someone, and I know I have mine :huh.

I'm very proud and happy of my friends that they were not as affected as I was or they just figured it out faster than I did. But I'm still happy the way I am, confused and unsettled, because this gives me more time to sort things out and make my final list of characteristics of what exactly I want. 

So, I'm happy to announce that I have let go of my movie dreams, cause simply life is not a movie. Life is life, it's real and it has it's ups and downs and that's what makes life enjoyable and entertaining. But I still can't help myself from smiling when I see a romantic love story in a movie and still, in my heart, secretly hope all my movie dreams come true. 

Resolutions ...

Well, its 10 days away from my 21st birthday !!!!!!

For starters, I have to say, that this is so not how I imagined celebrating my 21st :D . But I'm sure I'll try my best to enjoy it.

I wanted a HUGE party with all my close friends and lots of pretty flowers.

I like surprises. I really really do. I enjoy the unexpected.

I like when I tell someone to stay away, they fight anyway and be next to me cause they know I need them.

I like when I tell someone not to get me anything, cause simply I won't accept it, they still go the extra mile and get me something. ( I could refuse taking it but just the trouble they went through for looking for something and buying it still means a lot)

I like when my friends call just to say they miss me or love me. ( specially my 2 mais .. coz due to our colleges we never have the time to talk or meet )

I like people who go the extra mile just to show how much I mean to them.

I have found out that I don't understand myself as much as I thought I do. I get confused easily, I'm not sure what I want and not clear about my future. That's not acceptable AT ALL !!

So, as my new year's resolution, I've decided to understand myself. Apparently, I'm a good person that people enjoy befriending, so I might as well be my friend :D.

( I might be getting crazy here :D )

I just want to say that I miss you all, my dear friends, I really do. I miss our college days where we used to sit and talk, joke around and skive lectures and sections. I wish I could go back just 1 day to enjoy every moment of it.

On my 21st birthday, I've decided to be a better person, never judge anyone and cherish my friends and my loved ones. I'll be less aggressive ( :$ ) . I WILL CONTROL MY TEMPER ( isA isA isA ya rab :$ ). AND I WILL BE THE BEST FRIEND ANYONE COULD EVER DREAM OF HAVING, SO TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DUN WANNA BEFRIEND ME ... DUDEZ, ITS YOUR LOSS :D.

Happy Happy 21st to me (^^,). May I break all the laws :D

Forgive and Forget ...

For more than 10 days now, I've opened my writer everyday. Everyday I try to write my new blog and I just can't. Its not because I have nothing to say, because everyday I had a new topic to talk about. Its just I couldn't write.

I didn't understand what was going on. Normally I would just need ONE word to come out and every other word pours out alone.

Its true I did have a terrible week, or more, but that never seemed to be a problem when it comes to writing.

Today, and as everyday, I opened my writer and I began to write. I expected that like everyday, I would press that backspace so fast, that for a second I thought of saving the precious letters the humiliation.

To my surprise, and even before I put down that first word, my thoughts started pouring and my hands started typing.

I guess I was missing something and I just didn't realize it.

What I was missing is besides the point, or simply not something I want to share ( :P ).

I just wanted to say, that you really should think about your actions and the things you care most in your life before its too late. I guess now is the perfect time to for us to re-evaluate our relationships. I know I want to do that. Forgive and Forget (F&F).

I forgive everyone for anything they ever did to me, and I certainly have forgotten it/them.

I hope you all do forgive me for anything I ever did and forget it. ( probability is very high that I did do something to U :$ )

I really will miss you all. ( Dun forget me hah .. the forget here is not forgetting me ... its not an excuse :O !!! )

P.S.: Thank U My Friend, for keeping up with my craziness and for just being there. ( If this makes no sense to U its simply bcoz its not for U :O .. no offense :$ )

No Goodbyes ...

Well, here I am up late when I should be sleeping in order to get up in a few hours for my exam. As usual, I don't want tomorrow to come. Normally it's because I'm not ready for the exam, have not finished the curriculum or just hate the subject so much that I know I well do real bad in the exam. This time its different though. I have butterflies in my stomach, my heart is pounding hard, my nervous system is working on its own, I'm just not me. I do want tomorrow to come, but I don't want tomorrow to come. I mean finishing exams is great, hell I miss TV ... yet I have one hell of a month ahead of me. Working on the project will be tough. I feel like I'm kidding myself. I mean, yes I'm really worried about the project but that is not the only, or main, reason for how I feel.

It really does feel like yesterday that I had just graduated from school.

I remember my first day in college so well. Every single thing in it. I came on a Saturday to find out its a holiday.

I remember the first group of girls I met. They too came on Saturday.

I remember the first boys I met. I remember how the next day I found out one of them is my dad's friend's son :D.

I remember the first lecture ever. ( Math 1 , Dr.Abdel Kawy , I came 1 hour late and I sat in the 3rd row in the front )

I remember how I loved the lecture hall ... the colors were a real attraction to me :D

I remember the first physics lecture when we got kicked out, and immediately knew that Dr.Ali is just not a normal Dr ( if you know what I mean :D )

I remember how we tried to organize a welcome party. I actually remember Ala'a and Amr Nader talking to every single person about it :D.

I remember how crazy we were and all the noise we would do and the dirty looks we got from the older people ( I dun blame them , I do the same with the younger classes :D )

I remember the first outing in Ramadan, when everyone went and they didn't even know each other that well. ( That is something I did not experience :D )

I remember Genedy and all the physics sections, and how Dr.Mahmoud Mounir once came out, shouted at us for all the noise we were doing ( mainly Doubi and Xeno ), slammed the door and then afterwards talked to us slowly about it.

I remember that old ugly lecture room in Faculty of Law and the even uglier one in Faculty of Arts.

You have no idea what else I remember I could go on and on forever. I have a memory with each person I know. Even the people that I have grown apart from or had some problems with, I still hold in my memory loads of great moments.

FCIS has been my first home ( I just can't say second, cause over the 4 years I spent more time there than home ).

I can never forget how we changed the TAs opinion about us 180 degrees. Gradually Drs. began to love us. After being called the worst class FCIS ever saw, now everyone is upset we are leaving.

Its now clear to me. I'm upset I'm leaving home, I'm not leaving you guys. We are forever more friends.

Its been a crazy journey my friends, filled with laughter, tears, hugs, friendships, craziness, drama, work and hypercraziness ( totally made up for us :D ).

There is just no way to say goodbye. And I won't say goodbye. Its not the end its just the start.

Hand in hand, we are all stepping into the real world, together. From now on, its leaps and not mini steps. 'Cause its a well known fact we are not just ordinary people.

My dear Class of '08, I have been trying to think of words to write that would express my feelings. I actually have been thinking for like 2 weeks now. There is just not enough words to translate my feelings.

Its been an honor knowing you all. Every single one of you is unique in a way. I can never let any of you go. Even those people who just get on my nerves, I can't seem to let them go. After all, if I do, who will then make my head explode from anger ??

There is so much I want to say. I think I'll be writing to you guys more and more. You know by now that my blog is the way I let all my suppressed emotions come out.

I just wish that as we are ending our first journey together, no one is upset or hating me.

I hope I have never hurt anyone.

I truly hope I've been a good friend to you all.

Well, I guess I should sleep, so that's all for now.

I really love you all. Don't you DARE forget me while I'm gone :@ .

News ... News !!!

Well this blog is different. It won't be mainly how I feel, it won't be talking about some problem I have, but will be talking about something that is going to happen to me.

Yesterday, my dad called me from his office before he starts his weekly work-out. He told me go sleep for a while ( I had an exam and had not slept since the day before ) and wake your sister up, let her study, cause I have a surprise for you when I come. I tried finding out any hints, he totally refused to tell me a word. With that, he ended the call and left my head to all the questions and wondering. My mum didn't even know what was going on.

My dad returned at 10:15 and called the whole family in his room, sat us down, and started talking.

He told us that 5 months ago he got an order from work that he travels to Kabol for a whole year. If you know me well, you'd know that this place is not so weird for my dad to travel to, he's been to worse :D. He told us that he totally refused the order and told them there is NOWAY I'm leaving my family. The only way you could get me to go, is to base me in Islamabad so I could take my wife and kids and visit Kabol every once in a while. They refused that suggestion, so he refused the position.

You do have to imagine how our hearts stopped by that time. My dad has a bad history of traveling to the weirdest places ever, Iraq, Eritrea and those are just examples :D. I mean for a second there we thought he would complete the sentence saying that I couldn't refuse more and I travel in a week or something. Thank God .. he didn't say that :D .

Instead, he continued talking, and that was over with.

Then he told us, that today, they gave him another order. They told him he'll be traveling to Dublin, Ireland ... AND WE ARE ALL GOING !!!!!!

So now I could finally tell you what this blog is about. I will be leaving to Dublin after our final seminar for a whole year !!!!!!

I bet some people are like thank GOD we're getting rid of you ... and other's are feeling the way am feeling that I'll be missing you guys so much.

I can't really believe it till now that I will travel soon isA. I tried to figure out how will I tell you guys I'll leave and figured that most of the people that I care about are the ones who read my blogs, so I thought that would be the best way to tell you the story, from the start till the end.

We still have 2 months and a half together or so, and I've decided to make the most out of them, cause truly I will be missing each and every person I know.

And heey, don't you think I'll stop contacting ya'll .... what is Facebook for :O ???? And what are my blogs for :D .

My beloved friends, you will NEVER be forgotten .... AND DON'T YOU DARE FORGET MEE !!!!

Changing Lanes ...

Well, as usual its very late at night, or early in the morning. I'm supposed to be studying ( do take care of supposed ). I realize that what I am reading is in deed interesting, yet its not interesting in the studying kind of way. At that same time, I heard about my older friends, who are now graduating, and I listened to their grades and their GPAs. It is a very indescribable moment when the dean or whoever that calls out the names, calls out your name and says : " with a total grade of excellent ( very good ) .. the student ...... " !!!!!!!

Leave aside your feeling, what about your parents' feelings ? MAN, I bet they would be so proud.

That made me wonder, how did I manage to go from an A student, known for her hard work and bright mind, to a careless, lazy, just passing student ?!?!

True that if I had had the chance to choose I wouldn't have chosen FCIS. And true that it has never been my interest. And true that I was accepted in this college and I only knew how to check my mail, play online games and download stuff. But are these enough reasons to pay off my debts ?

Ok, let's think in another way. DOES IT TRUELY MATTER IF I GRADUATE WITH A+ OR D ????? TRUELY .....

Apparently, not so much.

I know a FEPS graduate now working as a ( sort of ) marketing manager. ( its complicated that position for me to explain )

I know a Hotel Management graduate now working as a social studies and PE primary teacher.

I know a Computer Engineering graduate now working in medical marketing ( exporting and selling medical machines ).

I know an Engineer graduate now working as a developer. ( that's not so odd though :D )

I know a Social Institute graduate ( if you could call them graduates :D ) now working as an accountant.

I think you get my point. I can go on and on and on with these examples.

Well, how did any of them pull that off ? COURSES COURSES COURSES !!!!!!

You see, I actually have loads of other interests ( considering computers are now one of my interests ).

I adore Egyptian History, Languages, Writing, Music, Designing, Marketing, and those are just a few examples.

Less than a month ago, we had this event that I had to help organize. I took responsibility of the presentations from A to Z. Starting with the design till managing them while my dad spoke. I did the design for the template ( from scratch ), the animations, pictures and everything. I wasn't satisfied. I just had to stop working in it 'cause it was time. I was modifying in it even on site and just before my dad goes up to give the speech. I didn't want to see anyone's reaction, I didn't even ask for it.

To my amusement, people came up to me and told me that they really liked the work done on the presentation and that my next step should be presenting it instead of my dad ( HaHaHa (6) ). That gave me a boost of confidence and made me talk more after the presentation and while we were having tea and stuff. Some people came to me asking about the project and the coming steps and if there is anything they could do. And suddenly, I found myself talking to a huge group of people of businessmen, housewives and youth !!

After I was done, the headmistress of my brother's school came up to me and told me: " well, you are finishing college soon, how about you join the school and become our official speaker and do for us some presentations?". I laughed, cause I took it as a joke. Turns out, they are doing some presentations for the school to increase its popularity and stuff. ( Oh btw, just for the record, I did end up getting stuck with all the coming presentations from preparing to performing. So watch out, you might catch me soon in the your nearest store !! )

Anyway, the bottom line is, just because you chose a route at some point doesn't mean your stuck in it for the rest of your life. If you really believe in something, and have a goal to reach, be sure that at some point a suitable door will open up, so cease the opportunity. And if you miss it once, you'll get a second chance, and a third. Just don't keep missing the chance till its too late to take a detour.Just finish your current route so you could start ceasing. That means I got to go study. ( =S )

If You're Young at Heart ...

" Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you if you're young at heart " - Frank Sinatra

Fairy tales . what exactly are fairy tales?

I'm guessing there's a good reason he said, if you're young at heart.

First, I thought fairy tales are the stories my mummy and grandma used to tell me. That was when I was 4.

Then, I thought fairy tales are my dreams. What I wish to become and how I wish my future would be.

Future . well I'm guessing now is my future.

I realized sometime ago that I haven't had fairy tale dreams since I was a kid. And those kiddie dreams are no more than becoming a grown-up girl with my own house so that I'd do whatever I want. And that I hold the household money, so I'd buy the food I like, which is mainly chocolates of course.

Do you really believe that you'll just find your perfect person, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after? Is that it? Are there no complications to the story? Like my father who's the king of the kingdom not agreeing on my marriage from the village boy? Or maybe my father would ask him to get the brightest star in order to marry me?

I am not hallucinating.

I remember my first fianc�e. I was 8 and he was 23, the son of my dad's friend. (You know how parents kid around about that?) Oh and how great it felt when he once called home and when I asked who I should tell my dad is on the phone, he tells me tell him your fianc�e. I remember how red my face was. People have to realize that kids do understand and do remember, GOD!!

I remember my first crush. I was like 10 and he was almost the same age as me, and he liked me too. At that time love was playing together, having walks on the beach and building sand castles together. It was such a simpler time then. (I think by now you've guessed that it was a summer crush)

I remember thinking that as soon as I'm old enough, I'd find my prince charming, we'd fall in love and that would be it. We'd live happily ever after. But I guess life's not that easy.

Well, how do you know you've met your prince charming? Does he have to have all the characteristics you've been dreaming of? Could you let go of some of them? How do you know you have finally found the one you want to settle with forever and ever and finally get the fairytale ending?

Well I guess I may be hallucinating, but truly it's something confusing. Should you just leave things take its normal route and be certain that in the end God will do what's best for you? Well for sure God will always do what's best for me, but how do you know you are going down the right route? The one God has planned for you. How do you save yourself all the hurting and struggle?

I guess you can never be certain of something. There's always a risk you're taking, whether with the right route or left route. So in the end, I guess you should just do what makes you feel right, do what makes you happy, do what your heart tells you.

It's up to your heart!! (But hey, don't neglect your brain, or trust me you'll choose the wrong route)

Exam Inspiration !!!

Well, I have been up for more than 30hours now, just came back from a MIS exam .. and through the exam only 2 songs were on my mind ( by on my mind i mean I CANT THINK EXCEPT OF THEM ... no MIS no nothing !!! ).

First song, which came to my mind after the Dr. came and started talking and me realizing that there isn't a single question that I can guarantee that I'll answer correctly, was " I feel pretty" - from the famous Musical West Side Story. " I feel pretty ... Oh so pretty ... I feel pretty and witty and gay .. and I pity any girl who isn't me tonight " !!!! .... WHY I have no idea !!!

The second song was " Arfa " - Ali El Haggar and music by the Great Omar Khairat !!

The words of the song are AMAZING .. seriously so romantic and soft. So, I went home determined to find the whole poem and to know the poet, to my surprise, it was the son of my all time favorite poet, Salah Jahin, Baha'a Salah Jahin. Apparently, he has inherited from his father his romantic soul and his soft incredible words. So, I though of sharing the poem with you. And some of my favorite Jahin's Quadruplets, but I'll post them alone so you can enjoy all. Hope you enjoy them.
Let's start with the son , Baha'a Jahin :

مش عارف ليه باتونس بيك وكأنك من دمي ؟
على راحتي معاك وكأنك أمي
مش عارف ليه؟

عارفه؟
حاسس إني لأول مرة باشوفك
وإني باشوفك من أول لحظة في عمري
حاسس إني يمامه بتشرب في كفوفك
وإنك شجرة ، وضلة ، وميا بتجري
مش عارف ليه؟

عارفه؟
فرحة كبيرة وصوت مزيكا في قلبي
وكأننا حبيبين اتقابلوا بعد فراق
ليه فجأة بأت مستني لوحدي؟
عاوز اتكلم أحكي واشكيلك همي
مش عارف ليه؟

وانا وياك باحس الدنيا فيها سلام و أمان
وإن العالم مفهوش ولا نقطت أحزان
ايدك خليها في ايدي ، ده أنا طفل كبير
وباحس ان انا وانت لوحدينا ، وردة في بستان
مش عارف ليه؟

I advice everyone to download the song if they haven't heard it, because if you haven't yet, BELIEVE ME, you are missing something so indescribable !!!!

Great Expectations !!

It's been such a long time since I last blogged and I've truly missed it.

And as usual it's so not the time for blogging but I'm still going to do what I love.

There are no angels on Earth so stop acting like one!!

Treat people as if they are all unfaithful unless proven otherwise!!

I've always been against that. Why should I treat a person and always expect the bad? Why don’t I expect the good unless proven otherwise?

May be because I treat the person in front of me as if he was raised up the same way I was, with the same morals and ethics. I expect that the major facts of their personality as common between us. And that his faults can never harm me in anyway. I assume that what I see on TV about devilish evil people is not true, and if it's true, it'll never happened to me. I expect that as soon as you are called my friend, whatever fault I have in my personality you would accept and never be angry from since we're friends. I expect that as soon as you are called my friend that whatever dirty acts you have, you'd never apply on me since we're friends. I expect that a friend never betrays. I expect that you are pure inside and that you can never hurt.

Well, apparently I expect so much and people in this world are so not what I expect. They are all wearing masks, masks to hide their true identity. They go through life as a fake to reach their goal. The question is, when they reach it are they satisfied? I'm sure they lost a lot of friends during their journey by faking relationships, so are they now satisfied? Do they have that calming inner peace that we all dream of when we reach our goal? You know, more important, do they feel satisfied with what they did to their friends and close ones? Do they like verify what they did and convince themselves that they didn't do anything wrong?

I really don’t know. And I don’t really want to know. I just hope I learn from my previous experience and stop treating people as if they are saints. No one's perfect. I shouldn’t expect so much. So I guess in the end it's all my fault!!